


full circle

by deerofthedawn (flamershawol)



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: 25 lives AU, I'm tryna keep it PG but lets see if I can hold it out longer, M/M, POV Alternating, Park Jihoon-centric, Reincarnation AU, but who does Jihoon love, except one, im new how do you tag, literally every member will be in this fic yay, read to find out who's endgame oo, we all love Jihoon, we will have both fluff and angst be prepared
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-20
Updated: 2018-11-14
Packaged: 2019-05-26 00:27:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14988788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flamershawol/pseuds/deerofthedawn
Summary: 3.14159 and the few million numbers following after it isn’t enough to express how much Jihoon wants to be with his significant other(Based on 25 Lives by Tongari)





	1. 22 / 7

**Author's Note:**

> spoiler alert: there is no maths in this fic. Sorry. 
> 
> HA HA HA. Hi what’s up. I jumped on the bandwagon and wanted to write a fanfic based on 25 Lives as well because it’s so beautiful. Also I don’t remember reading any fic like mine (well I hope there isn’t any like mine bcs I hope I didn’t copy anything), sooooo I hope you like it heh. Enjoy, I guess? I’m excited to let you read this story ahhh
> 
> (This is just an excuse for me to dump all the AUs I wanted to write into one story)
> 
> READ TILL THE END TO FIND OUT WHO IS ENDGAME HUHUH.
> 
> (that means wait for all 5 chapters oops)

###  **_The very first time I remember you,_**

###  **_you are blonde and don’t love me back._ **

 

 

Maybe it is a little cliche, but Jihoon falls in love with Kang Daniel when he first sees the man on his first day of orientation in university. Not at first sight though, because that is for hopeless romantics and dumb lovestruck losers. No way, Jihoon isn’t one of them.

 

On _that_ first day of orientation, Jihoon wanders about the campus like a lost soul (well it was partially true; he was lost in the campus n‑tuple times bigger than his high school). No matter how many times he reads the directional instructions sent in the email, he still lets out a groan and runs a hand through his brown hair in frustration.

 

“Where the fuck is this damned hall.” he curses, brows furrowing, and he twists his body to make a sharp right turn.

 

Only to bump right into someone’s shoulder.

 

#typical

 

His phone is sent flying out of his hands as he falls on his bottom.

 

Again, #typical.

 

“Nooo,” Jihoon wails as he watches his beloved Samsung Galaxy S7 crash onto the grey cemented floor and the screen positively blinks once more before dying for the rest of eternity.

 

“Oh no, I’m so sorry! I really am, oh my gosh. Do you need help? Are you in pain? Wait let me help you up-”

 

“Shut _up_ idiot.” he snaps and snatches the rose gold phone from the floor to wave it frantically in front of this guy that has a mop of blonde hair on his head. “How about you fix this phone of mine instead?”

 

The guy is taken aback; but then again who wouldn’t be if someone told you to shut up right after you offered some help.

 

“Alright look,” says the guy while putting his hands behind his head. “I’d love to help you with that but-” he lowers one hand in front of his eyes to check the time on his wristwatch. “- I have an orientation to lead you know? Like, ‘main dancer’ kind of leading? Okay, how about I give you my name and number.”

 

And before Jihoon can react the guy scribbles his details on a scrap of paper and shoves it into Jihoon’s hands before taking off down the hall, his heavy footsteps echoing loudly with every stomp.

 

* * *

 

He makes it just in time for the opening performance (God _bless,_ because it means he probably got to skip the boring welcome speeches). Right smack in the middle the of the group standing on stage, there is a mop of blonde. Everyone on stage has their heads looking down and Jihoon squirms in his seat, waiting eagerly for the music to play.

 

And maybe he might have choked when he realises that the guy in the middle is the very same human that spoilt his phone.

 

_“I have an orientation to lead you know? Like, ‘main dancer’ kind of leading?”_ blonde guy’s voice echoes in his mind and Jihoon rubs his eyes and blinks twice to make sure he isn’t seeing things.

 

Nope. Main dancer is still mister blonde.

 

Taking out the piece of paper the guy gave earlier from his pocket, he sees a single name with a string of numbers.

 

‘Kang Daniel.’

 

_Hmm._

 

He watches _Daniel_ intently. He guesses Daniel must belong to the school’s dance club, because there is a mix of hip hop, b-boy and jazz dances being thrown around the stage in perfect circles and combinations. The sequences are amazing, and Jihoon can’t help but hype as discreetly as he can in his seat - feet tapping the ground wildly and head bobbing to the rhythm.

 

Suddenly Daniel takes a few steps forward and does a body wave (some girls scream really loud, probably the other orientation leaders) before proceeding to do a harsh hip thrust, and then casually transitions into a few top rocks. He does a couple of swipes, and eventually rolls around in middle as he does some windmills.

 

Breakdancing is cool, but there is a certain fluidity to Daniel’s movements. The stiffness one usually observes in b-boys are absent as Daniel jumps across the stage and transits easily from one left back kick while swinging his right arm to throwing the right arm above his head and hopping onto his other foot to clapping his hands while performing some fast complicated footwork.

 

Watching Daniel is like watching a masterpiece come alive.

 

As Bruno Mars’ Locked Out Of Heaven comes to an end and the deafening cheers quieten down, Jihoon finds himself focused only on one man that has his hand outstretched pointing at nowhere in particular while he is heaving heavy breaths, sporting a large grin that shows off his bunny teeth and causes his eyes to crinkle into two crescent moons. It is illegal how one can look so happy and innocent after giving such a scandalous performance.

 

A few days later, after orientation is finally over and he has a bit of time before actual classes start, he goes out with Daniel. Mainly to get his phone fixed and partially to get some new company in a foreign space.

 

And as fast as he becomes friends with the older, he falls equally fast too.

 

Followed by a swift heartbreak when he joins the university’s dance club and realises that Daniel is hopelessly in love with another senior.

 

* * *

 

“Oh hi Jihoon! Have you seen Seongwoo around?” Daniel waves cheerfully at Jihoon, jogging over to the younger while asking the said question.

 

“I think he’s still in Cafeteria 5, though you should hurry. He looked like he was finishing his lunch.”

 

“Oh really? I should hurry along then! See you later in dance!”

 

As Jihoon watches Daniel’s retreating figure disappearing down the hallways, he catches sight of a bouquet of roses with a box of chocolates in Daniel’s hands. A strangled sob makes its way up his throat.

 

That afternoon, Ong Seongwoo rejects Daniel in front of everyone present in the cafeteria - but not before telling Daniel to try harder, oh and to also get rid of the roses.

 

Daniel does try hard, and by the end of the month Jihoon finds them sucking face in the dance studio’s storeroom.

 

Heartbreaks like these are normal and Jihoon has been through quite a few of them with his past few crushes. However, his admiration for Daniel’s soft manners and strong confidence makes Daniel more than just a mere crush.

 

Call it an exaggeration, but Jihoon is convinced that he has fallen in love with for Daniel within a month.

 

* * *

 

On a starry night, when Jihoon decides to go on a single day trip to clear his mind a few days before the quarter semestral examinations, he finds himself trekking up a rocky path along Juwangsan Mountain. His water supply is running low and all he has in his tiny backpack is a few energy bars. But as long as he reaches the peak in time, his growling stomach can take a back seat.

 

It is nightfall and Jihoon finally makes it to the top to be blessed with a spectacular view of the sea of stars amidst the dark surroundings. Pulling the navy blue windbreaker closer to his frame as the cold winds blow, he lies down on a comfy looking patch of grass so he can gaze at them peacefully without having to strain his neck.

 

The echoes of the howling wind does little to distract his wandering mind that keeps thinking.

 

_Quarters sems. Semi finals for the breakdance competition. Ahn Hyeongseob being a useless project partner. Declining bank balance. A shitty paying part-time barista job. Daniel._

 

_Kang Daniel and Ong Seongwoo._

 

From the corner of his eye, he catches sight of a shooting star in the distance and claps his clammy hands together - tightly (and rather desperately), to make a wish.

 

Wishes like these are made in spur of the moment and only based on what you desire most.

 

_In my next lifetime, I want to be with you. No matter how long it takes, I’ll find you and I’ll choose you over and over again._ is what Jihoon wishes hard upon a shooting star, hoping that the heavens will grant his one desperate wish.

 

###  **_The next time you are brunette, and you do._ **

 

 

I am running through a dense temperate climate forest, where there are pine trees covering the entire surroundings. The ground is slick with mud and there is a torrential rain above my head, as if someone uncapped a bottle and poured its contents all over me.

 

I am panting hard, my legs wanting to give up as my muscles continue to respire anabolically, and my vision is hindered as rain drops continue to fall onto my scleras. Yet I stubbornly choose to continue searching for you even as the sky darkness into an ominous grey smoke and it is potentially dangerous for me to stay out in the wilderness.

 

Because I have to protect you, my prince.

 

“Lai Guanlin!” I yell your name with careless abandon and futility in this monsoon rain. Nobody will have my head for spilling your name casually in this empty forest. “Where are you!”

 

I finally find you huddled up against the bark of a small tree, your small frame shivering from both the cold and your violent sobbing. The moment you hear my approaching footsteps, you get up and run straight into my arms, your body launching itself into the air and circling my waist with your short arms.

 

“ _Hyung_ … I’m so sorry I ran away! I will never-” you started wailing and choked on words as you blinked away your tears. “-ever do that again! I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry-”

 

You crumble into a mess of limbs in my arms as I hug you tight and close, patting your hair lovingly.

 

“It is alright, my prince. You’re safe now. I’ll get you home soon.” I whisper into your ear and you wrap your arms around my neck, afraid to let go as I hold onto your childlike frame on our journey back to safety.

 

You are only nine and there are enemies waiting to kill you.

 

But it’s alright. I’m nineteen, and I’ll fight them for you.

 

* * *

 

Ten years onwards, when I’m 29 and you’re 19, you finally confess your undying adulation for me in a deserted study while I am standing by your side as you read another text.

 

“Park Jihoon hyung,” you call my name.

 

“Yes Your Highness.”

 

“I _told_ you not to call me that when we’re alone.”

 

“I’m sorry it’s a habit.”

 

“One that I grow weary of.” A sigh escapes your lips and you stand up from your cushioned seat, closing the binded book you were reading.

 

It has been ten years and I’ve watched you grown. As you continue to increase in height and pass by me, and as you study more scripts to become the educated prince you are. You’ve grown into a fine man that is perfectly capable of taking care of himself.

 

Usually you would proceed to the left to take another book from the shelves to read but this time you turn to your right and you stop right in front of me. We are too close for comfort, and I take a few steps back every time you try to come within a half meter radius of my personal space.

 

Bumping into the wall, I realise I have nowhere else to move and you trap me between your arms with both hands beside my head.

 

“Hyung, look at me.”

 

“I can’t do that.” comes my whisper, albeit soft but strong in persistence, although all I really want to do is to stare into those eyes that I did not get to in my previous life.

 

_“It is an order.”_

 

The moment I avert back my gaze, you are staring intently and your pupils are shaking as if you’re trying to figure out what to do next.

 

“Well,” you say softly, voice low but not harsh in any way. “I suppose you know how I feel towards you.”

 

I don’t know how to respond, so I keep my lips tightly pressed against each other.

 

“I-I guess I have been in love with you… for a long while now.”

 

“I know.”

 

You allow my hands to cup your cheeks and I tiptoe to kiss your forehead long and dearly.

 

“But how?”

 

You still sport a look of shock at my response as I let go of your face and smile back at you. But then again, you’ve always been obvious about your feelings. I have always known. And therefore despite this master-servant relationship we have, I am content that you finally love me back in this life.

 

(Even if we can’t be together)

 

###  **_After a while I give up trying to guess if the colour of your hair means anything._ **

###  **_because even if you don’t exist, I am always in love with you._ **

 

 

 

"Honey, look at my hair colour! Isn't it pretty?" Daehwi pounces right on top of Park Jihoon while he is watching a movie on the couch, filling up his entire view with a headful of orange.

 

"Why is your hair orange again, you just had it two hair jobs ago."

 

"But I missed it so much!" Daehwi whines with a pout and rolls off Jihoon to flop ungracefully into the space right next to him on the couch.

 

"Mhmm." is the hum he gets in reply, and it is silent again. The only noise comes from the heavy breathing of the actors in the midst of a boxing scene.

 

Jihoon does not really pay him much attention; except for the hand that has snuck his way around Daehwi's shoulders and up his head to thread his fingers between and caress Daehwi's soft hair.

 

"Do you not like it?" comes a small whisper after a while.

 

The hand petting Daehwi's head stops moving and Jihoon turns his body to stare at Daehwi's face. He is looking back at him expectantly, blinking slowly and eyes fidgeting around nervously while downcast at the corners. His bottom lip is caught under his teeth where he bites to keep in his pout.

 

"Daehwi,” Jihoon says softly and carefully. “You know I could never dislike any of your hair colours if they make you happy." making sure to take hold of Daehwi's hands into his and rubbing small soothing circles into them in case the younger tries to run away (again).

 

They've had this conversation many times.

 

"Ahhh this is so embarrassing!" the younger tries to wave off the sudden serious talk. He attempts to pull his hands away but Jihoon has them locked in place with their now interlaced fingers.

 

"Jihoon, let me go!" the copper haired boy protests, trying to yank his hands away but Jihoon is strong and he forces Daehwi to stay put.

 

"No Daehwi, you don't get to run away this time." Jihoon says sternly with fierce eyes and watches Daehwi relent when his shoulders relax back into the couch. He loosens his grip, but still does not let go.

 

"Though I have a question."

 

"Yes?" comes the meek reply.

 

"What does the colour of your hair mean?"

 

"Huh."

 

"You know, does red mean you're angry? Or white means you're depressed?"

 

"Lol, Jihoon.” Daehwi laughs loudly, eyes crinkling into crescents. “I dye my hair for fun, silly. I'm a hairstylist that likes to experiment!" Jihoon laughs along as well, glad that he successfully coaxes Daehwi with his dumb curious query.

 

They sit in comfortable silence, hands interlocked and Daehwi's head resting on his shoulder while they resume watching the once-abandoned movie during their little argument earlier. _This_ is what Jihoon loves. Their simple domesticity in this lifetime that he could not experience in the past few lives.

 

He takes a deep breath and inhales the scent of Daehwi's shampoo while he's at it.

  
_Yes, this is what he has been missing out_ he thinks as Daehwi turns to look at him with love overflowing from rivers when Jihoon presses a random gentle kiss to his forehead.


	2. cos 0°

###  **_I remember most fondly those lifetimes where we get to grow up together,_ **

###  **_when you share your secrets and sorrows and hiding places with me._ **

 

 

“Hey that’s not fair, how come you get to claim ownership over this grotto? I found it first!”

 

“Aww but look at this place! We’ve got nice lighting from above, we have lots of space to store all my treasures, and most importantly - a secret tunnel to the outer sea!”

 

“Jihoon, I don’t think we should be exploring that tunnel-”

 

“Oh come on Woojin. Don’t you want to venture beyond the Bay?”

 

That was how I got you to take your first  step swim towards the human world, at age 12.

 

* * *

 

“Jihoon! Do you want to go watch some seafarers today? The Wando ship usually sails by today.” you said while wiggling your eyebrows in my face, your golden tail flicking around in the water like an excited fighting fish.

 

“Please,” I scoff back at you and swim over to the other side of the grotto to rearrange the human paraphernalia on the ledge.

 

“Don’t act all coy. I saw you staring at the guy in blonde-”

 

“There are many blonde sailors-”

 

“Don’t interrupt me Jihoo-”

 

“It’s true!”

 

“But I saw you staring at  _ that one _ !”

 

“Which one for fucks sake?”

 

“The one with a million ear piercings!”

 

“How’d you even see if he has ear piercings, we’re forever watching them from behind some rocks.”

 

“Aha! So you admit he has ear piercings!”

 

“I asked how you saw, not confirm your claims!”

 

* * *

 

 

It is a stormy night when The Wando sails and crashes into the granite rocks surrounding the Bay.

 

There is wreckage everywhere and men yelling for their lives. I tell you  _ no, we cannot help them. We have to go back. The water currents are dangerous. _ But when have you ever listened to me? You’re a stubborn (not-so) little one this time round.

 

“Jihoon, we have to save him.” you beg, and if it wasn’t the rainwater running down your cheeks then it would have been your tears.

 

And so, I relent. Because when have I never shared your sorrows.

 

* * *

  
  


“Ya Woojin, I really want to be human.” I tell you as we watch your beloved human from behind a large rock wake up on the foreshore, looking around confused as to how he got there.

 

“You’re not the only one.” you say and grab the palm of my left hand in yours. 

 

The grip tightens as you watch him stand up and walk further towards the backshore and onto mainland.

 

“Lets go ask the sea witch together then?” I tug a little on our clasped palms.

 

“You’re crazy Jihoon, but sure. It’ll be our little secret.” he laughs and changes the grip we have to one where his thumb circles over mind and palms press even closer together, tightening the grip and pulling me so we can bump shoulders.

 

(Maybe the grip you had on my heart tightened as well)

 

 

* * *

 

 

_ You will only have your voices back when your beloved falls back in love with you. _

 

_ You must do it within a year, else you will suffer a lifetime of pain and regret. _

 

* * *

 

We are both mute on land and walking feels like knives but as long as I am with you, anything is possible.

 

The man you saved turns out to be the Prince of Gaya. The people mainland speak of him like he is a god. That the prince has golden hands and creates pottery that only the angels in heaven can dream of owning. He crafts magic from his fingertips and creates gold in forms of empty hollow structures painted to match colours of your tail. 

 

Day by day I watch the both of us struggle on land. We live by the sea because it is the only place that we both know and the soft sand is the only comfortably thing beneath our feet. On that beach near the port of Byeokrando, the prince discovers us one day, but he takes a liking towards you more than I. I can tell from the way he stares hard at our hands that always find comfort in each other when we meet something unfamiliar on land.

 

His gold crown that rests permanently on his head reminds me of how your tail used to reflect the sunlight underwater. 

 

Maybe the both of you are fitted for each other.

 

He makes you glow even after the sun sets.

 

* * *

  
  


One day I wake up and the bright white incandescence of the sun bathes on your very being.

 

“Jihoon...” a croak permeates the air between us and my eyes widen to drink in the image of your face.

 

_ You sound so good in your baritone. _

 

_. _

_. _

_. _

 

_ Wait. _

 

I am not dreaming. Your lips are moving and the sounds I’m hearing are escaping from them. Your grin keeps widening and all I can do is to launch myself into your arms. 

 

“I can speak! I can speak again!” you shriek with glee.

 

I want to reply you, but my mouth can only produce gasps.

 

_ Why am I still mute? _

 

“Oh? Jihoon, how come you still can’t speak? I was so sure the prince’s best friend was head over heels for you, surely you should be able to speak by now!”

 

_ You idiot, you’re the only one I’ve loved all this while. _

 

“He’s your true love, isn’t he?” your voice breaks through my thoughts and I snap out of my daze.

 

_ So does this mean… _

  
  


I nod my head and crack a half hearted smile back at your concerned face and fail my hands to wave off your concern.

  
  


_ … _

  
  


“I’m okay, I should be able to speak soon.” I mouth back and your shoulders drop.

 

“Tell me if he isn’t the one okay? We’ll help you find him like how I found mine.”

  
  
  


_ … you really don’t love me back? _

 

* * *

  
  


_ Anywhere is fine, no matter how much it hurts, as long as I am with you. _

 

Your wedding takes place at sunset by the sea. There are loud cheers by the people and the golden hour casts beautiful shadows on your features. You are absolutely bedazzling, and I can’t see why not.

 

As the both of you kiss, I feel a sudden wrench in my heart and the pain beneath my feet intensifies. I want to gasp in pain but even my lungs refuse to function. I crouch down forward to cough as a distraction from the true agony I am experiencing.

 

From beneath my fringe that partially shields my view, I catch sight of your glimmering cheeks. Maybe it is just the cream the valet applied to emphasise the high points on your face. But I swear, your face glows like how your tail used to - when that dainty little thing would flutter along with the ocean currents.

 

The sun is blinding.

 

_ It is alright, as long as I can share your happiness. _

  
  


###  **_I love how you play along with my bad ideas,_ **

###  **_before you grow up and realize they are bad ideas._ **

###  **_(And in our times together I have many bad ideas.)_ **

 

“Jihoon,” you said with a tinge of worry in your voice as I slowly backed you towards our hotel room bed. “I don’t like this. Can we stop?”

 

It is your first, but it is indeed a first for me where I finally get to take your very first.

 

It is selfish, _ I know _ , yet I can’t help it. With every lifetime, I do more things than I should before I regret not doing them all in the next few lifetimes.

 

You are under me, and you submit to me. In this lifetime I don’t have to fight with you no matter what, because you’re so giving. You always do what I say, and you never ever say no. Even if you don’t like them.

 

Even this marriage, even this business deal.

 

As we consummate, your doe eyes open and stare right back at mine.

 

In this lifetime, I fell in love with the unevenness of your eyelids. How the single eyelid and double eyelid could look so charming despite it being an imbalanced imperfection.

 

“This-” you gasp in between. “-is still a bad idea.”

 

“But then again, you play along with all my bad ideas don’t you Daehwi.”

 

Meekly, weakly you nod and then you let out a cry as we end off this euphoric night.

 

The next morning, Park&Lee Corporation's shares skyrocket beyond numbers can fathom and suddenly we are the richest youngest conglomerates of South Korea. Yet, we remain unhappy.

 

Because you followed my bad ideas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SOOOOOO I actually intended to update this two weeks ago but umm,,, I might have been trying to make this story flow better ahaha BUT BUT I promise Chapter 3 will come by soon heh (and it's much longer, be patient everyone). ALSO I went for One: The World in Singapore AND BAE JINYOUNG NOTICED MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ this noona got attac so hard sigh I miss them HAHAHA


	3. 3.14159

# CHAPTER 3 (3.14159)

 

###  **_When we meet as adults you’re always much more discerning. I don’t blame you._ **

 

 

He is screwed, and not really screwed because he might be able to make it on time. But since Jisung is in the picture - he is probably screwed.

 

Technically the weather was to be blamed, especially with the never ending torrential rain that has blessed this magnificent day where the play that ruined his mother’s childhood and her grades in Literature class Macbeth is finally presented on stage once again. An amazing, majestic masterpiece that plays with lighting and language and colours and lots and lots of props.

 

But where is Jihoon, oh where is our fine protagonist?

 

He is rushing back to the Vivian Beaumont Theater, balancing a bag of doughnuts in one hand and the half-empty cup of Cocoa Latte in another and holding the metal bar of his umbrella between his shoulder and his head. It kind of works; at least his hair is still dry. Can’t say the same for the rest of his body.

 

Even in the chaos of a crowded street, he manages to hear the ringing of his phone. Carefully slipping past a bunch of ladies and shifting his cup drink into the other hand, he pulls out his phone and almost drops his umbrella in the process.

 

“Oh hey hyung!” he tries to answer as cheerfully as possible and runs across the street before the traffic light blinks red.

 

“I swear to good god, Jihoon, if you don’t get your damned ass here _right now_ I will whoop it personally.” comes the loud nagging through the speakers and Jihoon scrunches his face at the volume.

 

“Ya hyung, why are you so sharp. You could have just let me do ma thang, y’know my teenager tings. Teenagers are forever late you know that.”

 

“Shut up you’re twenty.”

 

“I am nineteen in America, let me live.”

 

“ _Jihoon_ ,” He shivers slightly at the sudden low tone. “You’re a deck electrician aren’t you.”

 

“Yes, yes I am.” is his wary answer.

 

“And what is your job supposed to be?”

 

“I’m in charge of stage lighting, yes.”

 

“And how many of them are there?”

 

“Uh, I have no idea.”

 

“Exactly!” Jisung finally loses it and Jihoon almost drops his phone into a puddle of water in shock. He quickly picks it up and places it back to his ear.

 

“- I let you go and ‘get myself a quick bite’, but _excuse me son_ ?” the nagging escalates into sheer exasperation. “The play is starting in 15 minutes. This is a bloody premier show **okay** , the first damn show of the season! How the hell am I supposed to show them some good thunder and lighting action in the opening if I have one missing crew member!”

 

“Hyung chill, I got this man. Look, I’m nearing the back door! See you soon bye love ya!” he sings and ends the call before the elder can scream anything else.

 

* * *

 

Jisung does have a valid reason for being antsy, Jihoon admits that. Because he is almost late for one of the biggest plays of the year, and if he don’t get his ass there on time -

 

the play is #fuked,

 

the whole crew is #fuked,

 

and Jihoon will be ###fukedOTL

  


“There you are! What the hell Jihoon. You look like a dog that jumped into a pool and tried to dry itself by taking a run outside, which is what you’ve been doing while you were gone. Let's get you all dried up and ready before the show.”

 

* * *

  


But in the end all is good. Jihoon gets to eat his doughnuts and finish his coffee before the start of the play. The lighting controls and transitions are smooth, except for when he stumbles over his feet a few times while running across the backstage during scene changes. Jisung actually looks calm for once. In general, everything is going perfectly, well - like all great plays.

 

“Ay Chief LX!” Jihoon yells after Jisung when the crews finally gather together.

 

“Aigoo this brat. Did you know how worried I was before the show? Don’t ever pull that again okay.” Jisung grins and holds Jihoon in a headlock to ruffle his blonde locks.

 

“AHH NOO, NOT MY HAIR!”

 

“This is your punishment for earlier!” comes the jaunty laughter that fades off into the silence of the night after all the drinks are over and the after parties come to a close.

 

His hyung can be a pain in the ass, but at least he takes care of Jihoon well, and for this life - that is satisfying enough for Jihoon.

  


###  **_Yet, always, you forgive me._ **

 

 

 _Boring. Boooooring._ Jihoon’s brain screams as he taps his fingertips idly against his chin and blows a raspberry while watching the view outside the classroom window.

 

Jihoon swears by his collection of soft toys and the bench press set in his bedroom that he does not hate school, at all. But right at the present moment, he would love to be anywhere but in that cramped stuffy classroom in the middle of summer.

 

_Damn summer school, really._

 

“Park Jihoon which planet are you on right now?” Mr Hwang’s sharp voice invades his ears and it causes the student to snort. Not too loud because that would be a little disgusting to listen to, but just enough to make Mr Hwang furrow his brows in annoyance.

 

 _It’s fun trying to get under his nerves._ Jihoon giggles to himself.

 

He knows exactly what rills up Mr Hwang and what words make him flustered. Of course he would. He’s lived through a thousand lives to know what makes his soulmate a bumbling mess.

 

“Neptune is pretty beautiful you know. Blue skies, blue seas, blue lands. Even blue clouds. Perfect for a person with a blue mood like you.” he taunts his teacher, and picks up a pen pretending to do his work.

 

(but okay tell me, who actually does chemistry? what doth art fathom of dis chemical bonds?? utter blasphemy!)

 

“Since you love the colour blue so much, tell me what colour is copper II?”

 

This should be the easiest question ever. Everyone that has taken organic chemistry knows its blue.

 

But hello, it’s Jihoon. Chemistry-failing extraordinaire.

 

_Um. Umm, wellshit._

 

_What the hell is a copper II?????? What's the difference between that and copper II oxide??_

 

The birds fly past the window (“kaw kaw kaw!” the crow screeches).

 

What an accurate representation of Jihoon’s brain right now.

 

“Anyone would love to answer the question for him?” comes the disgusting saccharine voice that Mr Hwang uses to hint at his favourite student.

 

“Me me!” Seonho shrieks from the front row.

 

Honestly why is this kid even here, it’s not like he failed chemistry. He’s a bloody A grader. But a pet will be a pet. What a loyal dog. Oomph.

 

“Yes what is the answer Seonho?”

 

_Oh my god shut up._

 

“It’s blue!”

 

“That’s correct. Congratulations Jihoon, you’ve scored an extra lesson with me after class.”

 

Jihoon groans.

 

HE JUST COULDN’T LET HIM OFF, COULD HE.

 

_What an asshole of a soulmate._

 

(Jihoon secretly loves some quality time with his beloved teacher though.)

 

* * *

 

“Alright Park Jihoon. Let’s start with your weakest topic.” Mr Hwang starts after the last student leaves the class and Jihoon has shifted to the front of the classroom. “So tell me what do you not understand?”

 

“I-” he begins, trying to comprehend what he doesn’t even understand. “I just... I-”

 

Then it crashes upon him that he is so so lost.

 

Chemistry is just not his forte.

 

“What do you mean what I don’t understand? Everything is hard!” Jihoon wails and slumps forward onto the table, hands hanging loose over the edge.

 

“You used to be good at chemistry a few months back. What happened?” Mr Hwang asks softly.

 

Maybe if Jihoon wasn’t too busy screaming _UM, MAYBE A RATCHET THING CALLED MOLE CONCEPT HAPPENED??_ in his brain, he’d actually reply his teacher. And so he keeps silent and continues sulking as Mr Hwang sighs while pulling out a stack of papers.

 

“Let's look through your past exam papers and see what questions you’ve gotten wrong, so we have somewhere to start at least.” he says softly and Jihoon blinks at the stark contrast to his usual sarcasm.

 

.

 

..

 

…

 

“Grraaa!” goes Jihoon’s stomach, and it echoes loud and clear in that empty classroom save for themselves.

 

The two stare at each other, eyes blinking for a few seconds before Mr Hwang breaks the silence with his laughter.

 

“Looks like someone is hungry for knowledge.”

 

“Shut up.” Jihoon says defiantly.

 

“Well if that’s the case, pack up your stuff.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“Pack it up. We can continue after lunch. Does MacDonalds sound good?”

 

“Eyy…” Jihoon grins the widest that Mr Hwang has ever seen upon realising that he might have scored a free meal. “Is this really Mr Hwang treating me to lunch?”

 

“I- shut up you brat. You can’t study if you’re hungry-”

 

“Aww I am so incredibly touched!” he interjects as he throws his pencil case in last. “Let’s go for lunch then Mr Hwang!”

 

At that moment Jihoon thinks his eyes might be glimmering with teenage mischief and food-induced sparkle, but he thinks he wins the best lottery when Mr Hwang sighs and cracks a small smile back at him in defeat.

 

“You really are an amazing student aren’t you Jihoon. I can never get mad at you.”

 

“Of course you can’t. You always forgive me.”

 

_You better forgive me after all these lifetimes where I forgive you for forgetting me._

  


 

###  **_As if you understand what’s going on, and you’re making up for_ **

###  **_all the lifetimes in which one of us doesn’t exist,_ **

 

“So you want to exchange something?” asks the guy sitting inside, growing more bored and unamused at the amount of time this kid in a baggy pink sweater has been standing in front of his booth.

 

“Um…” there is a shuffling sound as the boy reaches around the bag for something. “Yeah. I wanted to exchange this.”

 

It is a guitar pick.

 

“And for?”

 

“Someone”

 

“You know I can't do that kiddo. Pick something else.”

 

“I want my soulmate.”

 

“Tangible non-living items kid, don’t you know the rules?”

 

_Where are you in this life?_

 

In this lifetime, Park Jihoon lives till 60 and only has a guitar pick. He does not get to experience love in this life.

  


###  **_and the ones where we just, barely, never meet._ **

 

I think I saw you while we took the bus, but I wasn't sure. At least I wasn’t at that point of time, while the bus was crowded at 7.18pm and everyone was on their way home after a long day. From work, from school, from life.

 

You don't look the same, but then again you always change in every single lifetime.

 

In fact you look like a foe from one of our previous lifetimes; when you didn’t love me back but you loved that villain instead.

 

Our eyes meet, but you avert them anyways. It isn’t unexpected, because you act just like how any stranger would.

 

There are no orchids blossoming on the very high points of your cheeks, nor roses on the tip of your ears. Just lilac blue morning glories all over, and it is cold.

 

The bus is cold.

 

The air outside is cold.

 

You get off either ways, and I catch the sight of small tri flower - forming a beautiful triangle.

 

Morning glories don’t bloom anymore as the sun sets.

  
  
That is the last I see of you in this lifetime.

  


###  **_I hate those. I prefer the ones in which you kill me._ **

 

“Hello Park.” greets the man, the sentence being anything but sincere.

 

“Ha, _ha ha ha_.” Jihoon laughs at his pun, a little too deliriously for anyone's liking.

 

Maybe one would have understood that Jihoon was out to irritate, given the fact that he was tied up on a wooden chair with limbs bound backwards. He cracks an obvious smirk, and seconds not so far after he receives a kick in the stomach from his perpetrator.

 

His chair does not fly across the room like in dramas, and the wood does not break under his weight and the force applied to it. It merely skids three centimeters and tips backwards, just a few degrees too much, and falls perfectly onto the ground. Jihoon thinks he hears a crack, maybe coming from his wrists. Nothing major.

 

“You have quite the cheek to be this annoying even when you’re about to die huh, young brat.” spits the guy, voice laced with malice and Jihoon takes a glance up.

 

_You still look good even with your hair being as red as the anger boiling inside of you._

 

“You know I’ll never give you what you want Sungwoon.”

 

The man sighs and asks with a softer voice. It is not any less hostile though.

 

“I asked you before, and I’ll ask you this again. Where are the police now?”

 

“And if I tell you? What will you do?” Jihoon challenges as the man takes steps closer to his helpless mess of limbs, feet stopping right beside his head.

 

And he lets out an excruciating, deafening yell of pain.

 

“Come on Park, the least you could do was to make your death easier for you. You’ve slept with the mafia’s leader - well, me, and you broke my trust by exposing me to the police. Gee you’re quite the scandalous one, aren’t you? Was it nice getting into my pants?”

 

_Even as you taunt me with a Gucci-covered foot squashing on my right temple and smashing the left temple against the cement floor, I still find you charming as ever._

 

“Alright, you can stay silent all you want. You’re useless anyways since they already know where I am. It’s time to make myself scarce.” Sungwoon sighs and lifts his foot off Jihoon’s head.

 

_This is it. I’ll see you in the next life, love._

 

Jihoon swears he hears a sob before the deafening thunder of a gun, and then the final throb of his heart, and then the gushing of blood.

 

“It’s a shame. I really liked you Park Jihoon.”

 

_Me too._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im a horrible author okay i have no excuses for the late update except that i may have had some difficultly writing one of the AUs, so i wrote AUs for the other chapters first + uni just started so life's been a messjhsdjhjhd im literally posting this before i start my next tutorial (sociology is kool tho). Next chapter contains one of my fav AUs of all time so ANTICIPATE PLS
> 
> //runs off, god knows when i will return.
> 
> also i love comments they make me feel fluffy inside but idk how to reply back ;A;


	4. ARCHIMEDES' CONSTANT

###  **_But when all’s said and done, I’d surrender to you in other ways._ **

 

 

 

Jihoon wants to cry, because he knows that this lifetime is going to end up in  _ absolute _ tragedy.

 

Having his significant other not love him back has become a norm, and sometimes Jihoon tells himself not to expect too much in receiving love back. But for this lifetime, he knows that his lover is going to love him back. And that he is going to die before Jihoon.

 

The sky is not clear, but rather it has a light cast of clouds covering the entire horizon, making the sky light up in a golden hue despite it being cloudy. There are people everywhere and Jihoon can’t help but feel suffocated being amidst the crowd. It is noisy. Everyone is excited.

 

He isn’t.

 

The RMS Titanic stands docked right before him in all its gargantuan glory. As far as his memory can recall (its hard to remember events in every single lifetime if you’ve lived through more than five of them), he watched a movie where the RMS Titanic sank and Rose lost Jack.

 

He knows that he’s  _ that _ stupid Rose and he’s going to lose his damned Jack. A feeling of unease builds up in his stomach. He doesn’t just feel seasick now.

 

There is a dark smear against the side of the ship, at the  forward bulkhead dangerously close to the hull and Jihoon knows that it is not simply an oil stain. Which idiot would let a ship on its maiden voyage sail apart from being in pristine condition? Obviously whoever wanted the Titanic to set sail on time according to their set timeline.  _ Of course. Calculative sharks. _

 

“Young master,” his servant whispers into Jihoon’s ear and he knows he has to go.

 

He takes a deep breath and tears his eyes away from the ship for a few moments.

 

Perhaps it isn’t as he thinks.

 

* * *

 

A hand rests heavily on the dip of his side, nestling and holding Jihoon rather possessively. He really wants to push away the arm cradling him as if he is some fragile china doll, as they walk towards their designated room, but he resists that thought. It is uncomfortable, but anything is better than hearing his parents nag about how he isn’t appreciative of the luxurious life he has. Now all he has to do is find his Jack.

 

“Darling is there something on your mind?” 

 

“Nothing.” he mumbles and pushes away the hand on his hip when the door to their suite shuts.

 

“Park Jihoon-”

 

“Hwang. Shut up. You know I don’t like this.”

 

* * *

  
  


His Jack appears when he’s standing on the railings of the ship. You know, just standing with both hands on the railing. The breeze is cool. The view is cool. Those waters look cool. But nah.

 

He isn’t going to be a crazy woman and attempt jumping into the waters so he can escape, he’s just going to  _ pretend _ that he’s doing it based on what he remembers.

 

Lifting one of his boots higher, he prays that someone actually sees him and stops him. His thalassophobia might act up anytime soon.

 

“Don’t do it!” comes a voice. It is a deep sound that rumbles and actually sounds more boyish than he expects. His head whips behind and he sees a young man with a black crop of hair, the bangs being blown back by strong winds to reveal part of his forehead. He has a really, really small face.

 

“Don’t come any closer!” Jihoon recites, though he wants it to happen.

 

“Come on, give me your hand and I’ll pull you back in.” he other beckons again.

 

“I’ll jump!”

 

“No you won’t.” 

 

“What do you mean I won’t?” Jihoon snaps, arms still shaking as he leans his body out further and so that he doesn’t break character. “You don’t even know who I am, how dare you presume things about me.”

 

“If you wanted to jump so badly you would have done it. Now come on, take my hand.”

 

_ Bruh,  _ Jihoon thinks to himself.  _ Did this guy read the actual script because why are they almost the exact same lines. _

 

“Go away, you’re distracting me.” he continues, turning his head away stubbornly.

 

“I can’t. I’m involved now. If you let go I have to jump in after you.”

 

Jihoon whips his head back and watches the young boy incredulously as he starts to untie his shoelaces, the right shoe dropping onto the wooden panels and then the left.  _ Thud. Thud. _

 

“Though I’m not really looking forward to doing that,” he adds as an afterthought.

 

“Doing what?”

 

“Jumping in after you.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Those waters are really cold you know. Would kill you 10 minutes in.”

 

“R-really? Then it is fine by me.”

 

“They’ll hit you like a thousand knives. And sure you won’t feel anything after you die. But to feel all that pain before dying,  _ nuh-uh _ .” He drops his socks onto the floor. “So that’s why I’m kinda hoping you’d come back here over the rail and save me all that trouble.”

 

“You’re crazy.” Jihoon spits, but really, who’s the crazy one here right now?

 

“I get that all the time. But with all due respect,  _ I’m _ not the one hanging off the back of a ship.”

 

_ Smooth. _

 

Taking one step closer cautiously, the young boy offers his hand again.

 

“Come on give me your hand. You don’t want to do this.”

 

Swallowing his saliva while looking at the outstretched hand and back to the boy’s round eyes that stare at him gently, Jihoon feels his heart flutter a little. 

 

_ I guess I’ve found him. _

 

“Alright.” he finally relents and detaches a hand for the boy to hold.

 

“I’m Jinyoung. Bae Jinyoung.”

 

_ Ah well close enough. At least both their names start with J. _

 

“It’s nice to meet you, Mr Bae.”

 

He then realises how extremely strong the waves are they beat against the sides of the ship, how deep the dark blue waters look, and he panics. His hands start shaking violently and he loses his footing on the rails as his legs turn to jelly. He is slipping. He feels a cold shiver running down his spine and the emptiness of the air beneath his feet. His heartbeats are too loud and they pound in his ears. All Jihoon can think of is  _ I don’t want to die.  _

 

_ I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die.  _

 

_ I want to live- _

 

_ Save me. _

 

The boy rushes forward to grab his hand that slipped out as Jihoon shrieks.

 

“I got you! Don’t worry, I got you.”

 

They end up as a tangled heap on the deck when Jinyoung pulls him over the rails and back to safety. Jinyoung is so so close to him and he can count the eyelashes and the tiny blemishes dotting his upper cheeks. And he is heavy. But the lack of space between them feels nice somehow.

 

And that feeling disappears within seconds.

 

The last thing Jihoon wanted that night was for his fiancé to turn up that night right beside the Master at Arms that decides to tear Jinyoung off him.

 

Maybe he should not have yelled so much.

 

* * *

  
  


“Minhyun, he  _ saved  _ me!” Jihoon yells at his fiance when the said man grabs Jinyoung by the lapels.

 

“Saved you? Then what’s the meaning of all this!” 

 

“I… I slipped, yes! I wanted to have a better look at the sea. Thought I saw a... whale, and I- I leaned out too much.” he stutters and spares a glance at Jinyoung who has his hands cuffed behind his back and isn’t making any moves to fight back.

 

“A whale?”

 

“Yes, a whale! A really huge one, I think it was a Blue Whale. I really love whales, didn’t you  _ know _ that? So I leaned out, and next thing I knew this man saved me and almost fell overboard himself!”

 

“So was that how it was?” the Master at Arms raises a brow at Jinyoung. Jinyoung catches Jihoon’s glance and sees him beg with his eyes not to tell the truth.

 

“Uh-huh, that’s pretty much it.” he mumbles and holds his gaze with Jihoon longer.

 

“Well the boy’s a hero then! Good for you son!” the Colonel exclaims and Jinyoung’s cuffs fall to the ground. “Then all's good eh, fine sir?” he says to Minhyun.

 

Minhyun begrudgingly lets go of Jinyoung and lets his arms fall to his side and immediately turns to walk towards Jihoon.

 

“Hey, let's get you back to our room. You’re freezing.” he whispers into Jihoon’s ears and wraps a protective arm around his shoulders, eyes glancing back at Jinyoung to give a cold menacing stare.

 

The Master of Arms gives Jinyoung a glance over and simply turns on his heels.

 

“So he almost fell over but you had time to take off your socks and shoes eh son?” he says over his shoulder as a passing comment.

 

* * *

 

They meet on deck come morning light, when Jihoon finally manages to detach himself from Minhyun’s overprotective clutches. Jihoon finds himself going on a bizarre rendezvous as he runs along the wooden panels in his sophisticated tailored pants beside the boy with round eyes and the widest, purest grins in his ragged overalls.

 

And then they meet after dinner when he manages to escape from the First Class dining halls to the lower decks where the Third Class passengers have created an uproar. He kicks off his polished shoes to twirl around the floor barefooted and spins in circles with Jinyoung’s arms interlocked with his around the elbows, throwing his head back in utter delight and glee.

 

And they meet once again at the front of the ship, where Jinyoung makes him feel like he’s flying as gentle hands carefully cradle his hips and a cheek grazes the crown of his reddening ears. Their lips leave a telling tale when they return to Jihoon’s empty suite breathless.

 

* * *

  
  


“Paint me like one of your french girls  _ oppa _ .” Jihoon teases as he lies down on the velvety covers of the mattress in nothing but absolute bareness, save for a black choker around his neck with a single blue diamond in the middle.

 

“Oh dear, I  _ would _ but I haven’t been subjected to such poor conditions.” Jinyoung gestures to the dim orange lighting and the sunset outside the cabin windows and laughs at his bad attempt of a French accent.

 

“Didn’t you hear what I said?” Jihoon pokes at the younger with the tip of his toe, a grin dancing at the edge of his lips. “ _ Oppa?” _

 

Jinyoung merely raises his eyebrows in acknowledgement as he tears out a new page from his sketchbook to draw the art in front of him.

 

“Say that one more time and you might have a mess on this paper instead.” he waves the pencil in warning.

 

“Nevertheless, I expect the best.  _ Only  _ the best.” Jihoon winks as he slides a foot up his calf, grinning wider when he sees Jinyoung swallow his spit.

 

* * *

 

Jihoon has long dressed up again and they are running around the ship in an attempt to escape from Minhyun’s ever loyal valet that has been instructed to track him down ever since his multiple disappearances over the past few days.

 

They stop and kiss multiple times, and it is the adrenaline rush of being caught that keeps them going.

 

Another kiss.

 

Another risk.

 

Another turn.

 

Another kiss.

 

* * *

  
  


“Put your hands on me, Jinyoung.” Jihoon breathes down the column of Jinyoung’s long neck and he swears he feels the younger tremble as Jihoon kisses the tips of his fingers.

 

“That sounds like a line from a movie, but those lips of yours are very enticing right now.” Jinyoung throws his head back as he laughs, allowing Jihoon’s lips to trail down to his collarbones and the vibrations from his throat manages to cover up for his trembling from his fingers.

 

“Maybe it is.” he whispers and parts his lips so this tongue can paint itself along the jutting bone.

 

“Must be a great film then, dear.”

 

Jinyoung shifts his form slightly. Nothing is ever comfortable when it is on the leather backseat, but at this moment Jihoon couldn’t give a  _ damn  _ about who he is and who he is with and what they are about to do.

 

Then he moans.

 

* * *

 

That night, a vintage autocar mists up and it isn’t from the in-built heater.

 

* * *

 

The next morning, all that remains is a hand print on the windshield.

 

* * *

 

Jihoon returns to his shared room with Minhyun before dawn; a slight limp in his footsteps but the permanent lopsided grin on his face being more prominent.

 

* * *

 

But in the end, reality is exactly as he thinks it will be.

 

The Titanic starts to sink and Jihoon refuses to board the lifeboat because they wouldn't take in another person.

 

_ That's bullshit. I won’t board it without you.  _ Jihoon yelled back in Jinyoung’s face angrily when the younger insistently tried to push Jihoon onto the same boat as his  fiancé . 

 

The ship splits into two and somehow, the both of them make it. Jihoon latches onto Jinyoung in the ice cold waters as he swims them over to a floating remain of the ship.

 

“Hey it's big enough for the both of us, come on Jinyoung.”

 

“No no, it’s going to sink if I sit on top of it.” he waves away the hand Jihoon has stretched out. “Don’t worry the water isn’t that cold anyways. Here, hold my hand.”

 

“Don’t let go okay! Promise me you won’t let go.” his hands shake madly as they grasp onto the other’s slender cold fingers.

 

“I promise, I’ll be just right here sweetheart. I won’t let go. Now let’s just wait.”

 

The water is cold. The wind is colder. Jihoon lies down on top of the remains of a doorway while Jinyoung paddles in the water so Jihoon can stay afloat.

 

“Jihoon, talk to me alright. It’s getting cold and I need you to keep me awake.”

 

“Alright sure thing. How about I sing you a song?”

 

It is cold but at least Jihoon can hum a soft  [ melody ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=shHTYg-rOAg) for both their ears. 

 

“Hey look at the stars. They’re beautiful aren’t they?”  _ They were just like this on Juwangsan Mountain too. _

 

“... mhm? Yeah, they are.”

 

He keeps humming.

 

“Stay alive alright,” Jinyoung whispers. _ “And remember me.” _

 

After what seems like hours, he spots a stream of light from the torch of a guard sitting on a medium sized paddle boat.

 

“Jinyoung! It’s a boat! We’re going to be saved!” Jihoon chirps excitedly and shakes the hand that he has been holding onto tightly.

 

His eyes are closed and there is a layer of frost forming on the surface of Jinyoung’s face, over his nose, at the edges of his lips and on pale skin that glows under the shimmer of stars.

 

 

“...”

 

 

“Jinyoung! Jinyoung! I said there’s a boat, wake-up sleepyhead!”

 

 

 

“...”

 

 

 

“Jinyoung?”

 

 

 

“Jinyoung??”

 

 

 

_ No,  _ his blood runs cold.

 

The boat seems to be going away further.

 

_ “Stay alive alright _ . _ ” _   It echoes loud and clear like the guard’s voice across the dead silent horizon of the sea.

 

_ I need to stay alive. _

 

“Jinyoung, I’ll never let go okay? I promise.” Jihoon’s voice croaks as sobs started to wrack through his entire body.

 

He kisses the back of Jinyoung’s cold hands before stripping the frozen fingers clinging tightly around his palm off, and watches him fall into the deep dark depths of the sea below him. He jumps off the floating plank, and swims over to another floating corpse so he can blow the whistle and make the safety boat turn back. He blows and blows and blows the whistle desperately. He needs to live. 

 

He wants to live.

 

“It’s a survivor!”

 

After all, his heart has been surrendered to Jinyoung. The least he could do was fulfil the man’s last wishes.

 

_ “And remember me.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. okay so firstly i would like to apologise bcs i usually update every 4 weeks but this is sliiightly late bcs uni has finally taken its toll on me omg i want to cry the workload is hEAVY sigh i wish i had more time to write this story; the ideas are burstinggg but the term papers keep calling me too 
> 
> 2\. WHY IS THERE ONLY ONE SCENE?? bcs if I included everything I wanted to you'd get sum HELLA LONG CHAPTERS, so lets save more good stuff for other days heh - this story has officially been expanded from 5 to 7 chapters!!
> 
> 3\. winkdeep did the dirty, but i did them dirty IM SO SORRY I KEEP WRITING TRAGEDIES ￗￗ but the actual poem is pretty heavy too so--
> 
>  
> 
> aaaaand, not gonna lie, this might have been the most enjoyable au to write bcs I LOVE TITANIC AHHHH (winkdeep is the tragic ship that sank GEDDIT, TITANIC? ok that was lame) but im still a little unsatisfied with it hmmmmm. let me know what your thoughts are, what do you think the next few AUs might be, anything really! i'll see you again in the next update ^^


	5. tan 45°

###  **_Even though each time, I know I’ll see you again, I always wonder_ **

###  **_is this the last time?_ **

###  **_Is that really you?_ **

**_And what if you’re perfectly happy_ **

**_without me?_ **

 

 

Ahh, life is cruel to me.

 

We’re stuck again in this lifetime; the very same one where I first met you. One where you are blonde, and you don’t love me back.

 

I could have done things differently to change the course of the events, and potentially make you love me. But I don’t think it would have been possible in this life. Because I know that in this life, you are the happiest with him - and I would rather see you shine brighter than anything else than take away your stardust sparkle.

 

“Oh hi, Jihoon! Have you seen Seongwoo around?” you waved cheerfully at me, jogging over while asking that question.

 

“I think he’s still in Cafeteria 5, though you should hurry. He looked like he was finishing his lunch.”

 

_Wait, this seems familiar._

 

“Oh really? I should hurry along then! See you later in dance!”

 

As I watched your retreating figure going in the opposite direction of where I was walking, I caught sight of a bouquet of roses with a box of chocolates in your hand.

 

_Ahh, it’s Valentines._

 

It was like this too when you first confessed to him, though he rejected you in front of everyone.

 

“Daniel Hyung!” I ran after you and grabbed your shoulder.

 

“Ah, yes Jihoon?” you stopped in your tracks and your eyes bored into mine.

 

_Dont be distracted. It’s now or never._

 

“You should get rid of the roses,” I say in a rush. “Seongwoo Hyung hates them.”

 

“Really? Ah, thanks so much for the tip!” you scratched your head and looked around. “Um, it’ll be a waste if I threw them away. Would you like them? You could give it to your crush!” you wiggled your eyebrows while handing over the bouquet to me.

 

_If only you knew._

 

“Sure thing, go get him, tiger.” I pumped a fist up and grinned back at you while holding the bouquet close to take a whiff.

 

_I hope you succeed this time._

 

###  **_Ah, but I don’t blame you; I’ll never burn as brilliantly as you._ **

 

 

The pyramid behind your back only has two empty seats left, and there is tension in the air as the crowd around me buzzes with excitement. The anticipation is real. Kwon Boa lifts the microphone to her mouth, and the noise dies down a little before erupting into loud cheers once more.

 

“National Producers, are you excited to know who will be the center for Korea’s National boy group?”

 

The cheers grow louder.

 

Around me, everyone is holding up banners with your name on them. In a previous lifetime, I was standing right next to you watching everyone holding up banners with your name instead of mine. But now there is someone else standing next to you - contending for first place.

 

You are extremely nervous, despite the small smiles you cast at the audience. Why are you always like this? You keep reassuring everyone that you’re fine, when you perfectly aren’t. But that's just you, isn’t it? You were like this when I first met you too.

 

What a coincidence though. I’m standing right next to your mother in this crowd.

 

“Your son will do you so proud!” I can’t help saying to her. She glances to the side and sees me holding up a banner. It's a banner with your name, of course.

 

“Thank you so much dear! _Aigoo_ , I’m sure he’s so nervous right now.” she replies with eyes drooping in the corners, even though she has a soft smile dancing on her lips.

 

“Aren’t you a beautiful one, what a fine girl you are. Thank you so much for supporting my son.” she continues and I laugh, covering my mouth shyly.

 

The camera pans to your mother and her face is displayed on the multiple widescreens around the recording hall. The crowd screams louder.

 

You turn your head to catch your mother’s attention and when she does, you wave excitedly at her. It is quite a precious interaction.

 

But suddenly, we are locking eyes too.

 

What gentle, genuine eyes those are. I almost drop my banner in shock but before you lose eye contact with me, I quickly scramble to form a heart shape with my hands above my head.

 

Even if you are my lover from the past few lifetimes, I WILL STILL BE A FANGIRL.

 

You make a tiny heart with your fingers back at me, and maybe I died a little on the inside.

 

“MMO Trainee Kang Daniel. Pledis Entertainment Trainee Kim Jonghyun. Who will be Produce 101’s first boy center tonight?”

 

We finally break this precious gaze, and I feel a little empty but still satisfied.

 

Kang Daniel, _ah_ , Kang Daniel. You’re definitely the nation’s pick in this lifetime. But nevertheless, you’ve been my first choice ever since the first our meeting in the college hallways.

 

“In first place with 1,578,837 votes…”

 

Burn brightly, my dear.

 

“MMO Trainee Kang Daniel!”

 

And hey, it isn’t so bad being a fangirl. At least I can tell everyone that _the_ Kang Daniel has noticed me #help #internallycrying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sadly kang daniel has not noticed me irl, only bae jinyoung has ;v; i suppose i've made you wait long enough for this update, so here's some nielwink i ended up writing unintentionally because I've been reading too much of them as of late HAHA. hope you enjoyed this little mid-week/month update, because the last two chapters are quite a ride (THEY ARE LONGER, I PROMISE) and i'm trying my best to finish them up on top of my term essays (I have one due in 11 hours and i have yet to start on it but priorities amirite LOL)
> 
> as always, see you in the next update!
> 
> (comments are luved, i might be quite thirsty for them HAHA)

**Author's Note:**

> oookay so how was it? honestly i was so scared to upload this story because it has been at least 4 years since my last multi-chaptered fic (coughs an exo fic i never finished on aff). but ay since its already up here, I hope you enjoyed it and look forward to the next one! 
> 
> sorry im an awkward turtle, how do you end this off
> 
> // woOSH


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